13 mar, 2017 therapy session #4 , 17 mar, 2017 therapy session #5
Why am I overly self conscious? Why do I obsess with being perfect? And why do I think being skinny equals living happy life?
I struggle to stay skinny to look good to other people, more than my own satisfaction. I hate to admit but yes, I want people to think me as a pretty, kind, skinny girl like a barbie on a stage. I’m over the moon whenever people tell me I am pretty or skinny and I’m even anxious when I hear nothing. Happy life starts with self management and it means being skinny. People don’t look down on me when I am pretty and skinny. So weight is life…
My nurse told me that she couldn’t find any humanity in a barbie doll. She told me that there are lots of good points of me but I’m not seeing them. She said that I struggle to put myself in a tiny box which doesn’t fit me at all. As she said I’m trying to put my existence in my changeable body all the time. It made my mind so unstable whenever weight goes up or down. I need to know my ego and value is much bigger than my appearance and weight. I need to know that I am just myself no matter what other people think.
A lot to catch up on myself… I’ll keep you posted xx