I worked out 3 hours a day for past 3 days to make up Wednesday’s binging. (I call it punishing.) I had to hit the gym as I planned but I was too tired when I woke up so skipped exercising today, instead I’m enjoying lazy Sunday afternoon sitting on my bed.
It’s quite horrible that I’m waiting for my next cheating day – 2 days from now. To be honest sugar craving already bothers me but I’m denying it so I could not binge till next Wednesday. I want to make a binge food list but I’m also not doing it to deny my cravings.
Instead I’m gonna make a guidance list on my binge day to distract myself.
- Keep all the food receipts : Just for checking, not for criticizing. I always threw away the receipts and I couldn’t remember how much food I intake exactly. Memories get blurred and distorted as my unconscious tries to delete and justify binging.
- Eat a proper dinner with someone : Even if I binged/purged before, having a light meal with someone will reduce my time alone, and it will prevent next b/p-ing and reduce crap feelings.
- Do not let the ED monster control the next day either : Constant b/p-ing is not the way to deal with myself. Eating on Wednesday is happy and could be special because I try hard not to binge the other days.
- Reduce punishing time : I exercised hard and reduced food intake radically at least 3 days after the cheating day (for last 2 weeks) but reduce it to 2 days. Let’s not think it as a punishment, it’s a make up time.
- DO NOT BLAME MYSELF : For any reason. If I don’t trust myself nobody will trust me. Nothing bad happens unless I blame myself.
My final goal: No cheating day, no binge day and eat appropriate amount of sweets everyday. (e.g. : 1 small pack of cookies or chocolates every morning)
I hope I can manage myself till Wednesday. We can do this if we believe in ourselves.