Yesterday was a day. On my way home after writing Fortunate because tomorrow is another day , I bought a fresh salad for me and a sandwich for my mom. I wanted to talk about my feelings and thoughts to her, because she is the one who knows and worries about my eating disorder mostly. I’ve been avoiding talking about the things I faced for last few months but I decided to make a change.
Talking about the dinner by the way, it was a proper meal I ate for the first time in months with other person. I finished a pack of salad delightly with dressings on it, along with 4 slices of pita bread. Nor did the calories, sugars in dressings, or fried toppings were my concern. Maybe because it was a cheating day I permitted to myself or maybe because I truly enjoyed the free moment with my mom. Either way I was happy.
I told her that I want to get help from an ED service, and that I might lose a chance again if I don’t start now. I could feel that she was listening with her whole heart. She told me that there is a beautiful, shining world waiting out there if I get over, and I have to do my best and come out of my shell to end this. And she wanted to help me without a second of hesitation. We decided to go to an ED clinic 2 weeks later.
I always cry when I talk about my bulimia because I feel misery and pity of myself, but it was different this time. I cried because I felt unlimited thanks to my mom. There still is my side supporting me no matter what happens, the person who believes me despite of 8 years of eating disorder. I used to be mad at my family and didn’t even talk to them for a long time because I was mad at myself. I needed someone to blame on because I always avoided facing it.
But there is a problem waiting to be solved. I can’t hide anymore and just started my tough journey.
Sometimes you might get help from others easier than you think. Someone who would gladly reach their hands exists even though we are not realizing it. Being a little honest could be the key. That’s what I learned yesterday.