Yes I binged, yes I purged today. It was a planned one, fortunately. Fortunate b/p? Ridiculous but now I’m trying to think it that way. I succeed in not binging yesterday as I struggled to distract myself from all the cravings, told myself to eat tomorrow. It’s been a week so I made my mind to have a cheating day.
I’m usually a heavy sleeper but I woke up more than 5 times last night, waiting for morning to come. Ugh…Both pathetic and pitful. I woke up at 6:30 AM and started a day with a full cup of yogurt with nuts and 2 slices of bread. I was already full with this amount as I starved for a long time which made my stomach shrink. I could easily make myself sick with just a couple of biscuits and chocolate pies, and here we go. Purging again.
Before going out with my coworkers to have a regular team lunch, I sneaked out of the office and went to Burgerking to grab some snacks to binge. French fries, nuggets, and a soft ice cream. While eating them I was nervous of posibilities that I could meet anyone I know, which made me even more sick that I felt not good while eating lunch with my coworkers. When I returned to the office I became too full and sick that I could hardly walk, which made me throw up again.
Eating the least and exercising the most to recover from one day binge – That’s what I’m going to do from tomorrow. It’s the cycle I’m on it now. I think I’ll be greedy again next Wednesday and give a cheating day to myself again. I know one day cheating would not end in just one day eventually. But I’m not trying to blame myself for now. I’ll try to look on the bright side. I’m fortunate that I didn’t binge yesterday. I’ll fortunately get back on track again from tomorrow because I’m gonna believe myself. Until now I just blamed and cursed on myself, which led to another day binging justifying emotional eating. But I’ll give a little credit to myself which will change many things in the end.