Literally sweat all over a minute ago. People in my office called me over to eat valentine chocolates with them. I was struggling to resist the temptation of sugar cravings & binging from this morning. As I heard a rustle tearing off chocolate bags, I felt like I’m going crazy. And they called me again. Oh my god. I knew I won’t eat just one. Eating just a piece will definitely make me binge and purge again. I’ll eat just one or two in front of them but eat a lot more when they are not watching me. I’ll binge whole day along if I eat this now. I needed an excuse. A good one. So I acted like I have to apply my courses in the exact minute like buying a concert ticket. They understood and didn’t bother me anymore.
I shivered with panic for next few minutes. My heart was beating fast. I could pass the dangerous moment but I still wanted chocolates. Also I do now. I don’t want to think about it but I am constantly imagining me opening the snack drawer in the office kitchen and push in a cholcolate pie in my mouth. I went to a toilet, crouched and was in agony whether to choose binge ‘just today’ or not. Thank god I chose not to and I’m sitting at my desk.
Every day I’m on a warpath. There is no exeption to valentines day either. I hope I can make it through today. Happy valentine’s day to you even you are on a harsh road like me.